Posted on November 5, 2007 - by Justin Hartman
Time to rethink what I’m doing here
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Friday evening was a particularly difficult evening for my marriage and I’ve been rethinking my existence ever since. Not to bore you with semantics but the overall gist is that because of my professional existence both at The Times and with my other various projects I am having no time to dedicate to my relationship with her.
I knew this was an issue and I could feel the impact it has had on her but I was going along with the idea that all this work was going to amount to something at some point and secure our future. While there has been good progress I have to ask at what price does this all come?
Certain other people will agree that Venture Capital in SA sucks and as a result every bright hair-brained scheme I’ve had has been implemented on zero budget with very little resources.
While I have had an awesome experience in the process and learnt a lot about my capabilities there is only so long one can go on for before nothing needs to amount to something and I guess this is where I am.
The time I’ve lost with my family can never be recovered and I simply can’t hold on to the idea that at some point something will work - what if it doesn’t?
I’ve done some soul searching and come to the conclusion that if it doesn’t make me money it isn’t worth my time and I will now focus solely on my job position at The Times and continue with Afrigator for a limited time to see if our new business model can actually work.
I am the MD and co-founder of 
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November 5, 2007
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Wow Justin,
Some honest blogging. I think it’s tough. I’m sure you’ll do what’s right for you and your family.
I agree 100% that the venture capitalist vibe in SA is lacking and not a promising one. You know well that I also tried a venture or two out with digspot and others.
At some point the hope and ideal do dissapear and reality kicks in, jobs are necessary and time is not aplenty.
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November 5, 2007
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Wow Justin,
Some honest blogging. I think it's tough. I'm sure you'll do what's right for you and your family.
I agree 100% that the venture capitalist vibe in SA is lacking and not a promising one. You know well that I also tried a venture or two out with digspot and others.
At some point the hope and ideal do dissapear and reality kicks in, jobs are necessary and time is not aplenty.
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November 5, 2007
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I feel your pain man and fully agree. I recently moved to a new job thats really close to home. I went from C#/ASP.Net to VB6 so understandably I’m not the happyest guy in the world but I get loads of time with my fiance. It must be even worse on you cause of kids and married life and everything.
Good luck man!
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November 5, 2007
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I feel your pain man and fully agree. I recently moved to a new job thats really close to home. I went from C#/ASP.Net to VB6 so understandably I'm not the happyest guy in the world but I get loads of time with my fiance. It must be even worse on you cause of kids and married life and everything.
Good luck man!
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November 5, 2007
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Brutally honest and brave, kudos to you. I think you’re right when you say family time can never be recovered, but I can also relate to the tug-o-war between wanting to provide financially for your family and spending actual quality time with them. Never easy, and never black and white either.
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November 5, 2007
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Brutally honest and brave, kudos to you. I think you're right when you say family time can never be recovered, but I can also relate to the tug-o-war between wanting to provide financially for your family and spending actual quality time with them. Never easy, and never black and white either.
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November 5, 2007
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If I could do it all over again…
Recently Derivco hosted the first GIBS Leadership Forum event in Durban. Keynote speaker was Brand Pretorius, chairman and chief executive of McCarthy Motor Holdings. At the end of his speech one of the things he was asked was how he……
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November 5, 2007
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If I could do it all over again…
Recently Derivco hosted the first GIBS Leadership Forum event in Durban. Keynote speaker was Brand Pretorius, chairman and chief executive of McCarthy Motor Holdings. At the end of his speech one of the things he was asked was how he……
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November 5, 2007
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Justin it takes a lot of guts to be open and honest like that, I applaud you. Balancing family and work is very tough these days - especially if you’re an entrepreneur. We always seem to have the need to go that extra mile in order to make our ventures succeed.
I’ve been trying to manage this with my wife as well. I’ve actually just returned from a non-business trip. Friday morning we hopped on a plane with 2 friends to Durban. Besides one report I had to do and email off, I did absolutely no work this weekend. We had loads of fun and it was well worth it.
I’ve been trying to latch onto a lesson by Stephen Covey - about the emotional back account. He says that the more deposits you make, the more withdrawals you have available when you need them.
This weekend was a huge deposit. If I have to work late this week - for example - that’s a withdrawal, but it’ll be okay because I’ll still have a smiling bank balance.
I hope your marriage and business ventures are filled with all the goodness and splendor that you deserve!
Jamaal
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November 5, 2007
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Justin it takes a lot of guts to be open and honest like that, I applaud you. Balancing family and work is very tough these days - especially if you're an entrepreneur. We always seem to have the need to go that extra mile in order to make our ventures succeed.
I've been trying to manage this with my wife as well. I've actually just returned from a non-business trip. Friday morning we hopped on a plane with 2 friends to Durban. Besides one report I had to do and email off, I did absolutely no work this weekend. We had loads of fun and it was well worth it.
I've been trying to latch onto a lesson by Stephen Covey - about the emotional back account. He says that the more deposits you make, the more withdrawals you have available when you need them.
This weekend was a huge deposit. If I have to work late this week - for example - that's a withdrawal, but it'll be okay because I'll still have a smiling bank balance.
I hope your marriage and business ventures are filled with all the goodness and splendor that you deserve!
Jamaal
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November 5, 2007
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Well done. Awesome post !!
Defenitley struck a nerve deep down inside, and my mind hasn’t stopped thinking bout it all day.
Time to make some changes. Thanks
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November 5, 2007
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Well done. Awesome post !!
Defenitley struck a nerve deep down inside, and my mind hasn't stopped thinking bout it all day.
Time to make some changes. Thanks
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November 5, 2007
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Thanks to all you guys. It’s been an interesting and emotional time for me on this blog of late but I think it’s all part of process.
As tough as this current post has been I actually feel a whole lot better and have much more closure and resolve since the incident. Before I kept holding on to it all but now I know what’s really important to me.
Maybe once my priorities are sorted (seeing as it’s not going to happen overnight) I can blog more frequently!!!
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November 5, 2007
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Thanks to all you guys. It's been an interesting and emotional time for me on this blog of late but I think it's all part of process.
As tough as this current post has been I actually feel a whole lot better and have much more closure and resolve since the incident. Before I kept holding on to it all but now I know what's really important to me.
Maybe once my priorities are sorted (seeing as it's not going to happen overnight) I can blog more frequently!!!
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November 5, 2007
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Know you have probably heard this already - but it’s a truly awesome post.
Often we think about these things and future-date the changes we should be making in our lives. But the thing is you never know what is going to happen tomorrow or if you will even be here.
Good luck and well done on good choice and priorities!
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November 5, 2007
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Know you have probably heard this already - but it's a truly awesome post.
Often we think about these things and future-date the changes we should be making in our lives. But the thing is you never know what is going to happen tomorrow or if you will even be here.
Good luck and well done on good choice and priorities!
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November 5, 2007
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Take this from a woman that’s on the receiving end. When it’s weekend, lock your cellphone & laptop away. That’s family time. Phone your wife, out of the blue, and make an actual “date” with her - just to let her know that you care and to make up for lost time.
It’s important for me to feel that I belong somewhere in Stii’s life and that I am very special to him. Don’t let the nights that you are working into the morning hours become the rule, let it rather be an exception to the rule. I understand if Stii needs to finish certain things, but I get very irritated if it happens week after week. You can ask Stii how many times we’ve had huge fights about the same thing. And then it goes better for 2/3 weeks and we’re back to square 1 again. Sorry to say, but it happens.
But I love him just as much and appreciate every minute he puts into his career. He could have been someone without passion and drive and therefor without hope for the future.
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November 5, 2007
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Take this from a woman that's on the receiving end. When it's weekend, lock your cellphone & laptop away. That's family time. Phone your wife, out of the blue, and make an actual “date” with her - just to let her know that you care and to make up for lost time.
It's important for me to feel that I belong somewhere in Stii's life and that I am very special to him. Don't let the nights that you are working into the morning hours become the rule, let it rather be an exception to the rule. I understand if Stii needs to finish certain things, but I get very irritated if it happens week after week. You can ask Stii how many times we've had huge fights about the same thing. And then it goes better for 2/3 weeks and we're back to square 1 again. Sorry to say, but it happens.
But I love him just as much and appreciate every minute he puts into his career. He could have been someone without passion and drive and therefor without hope for the future.
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November 5, 2007
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FeistyFemale thanks for your comment. It has actually amazed me the response I’ve received to this post and it has blown my mind!
Belinda what can I say. I know you and Colette are in the same boat and your husbands are very similar in nature! As Colette said to me tonight it doesn’t have to be an all or nothing approach and I know it’s the small things that make the difference.
For my sanity though I need to change my lifestyle. I planned to do this anyway near April 09 when my next child is due but now is as good a time as any. It’s going to be tough but in the long run it will be worth it - I truly believe this.
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November 5, 2007
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FeistyFemale thanks for your comment. It has actually amazed me the response I've received to this post and it has blown my mind!
Belinda what can I say. I know you and Colette are in the same boat and your husbands are very similar in nature! As Colette said to me tonight it doesn't have to be an all or nothing approach and I know it's the small things that make the difference.
For my sanity though I need to change my lifestyle. I planned to do this anyway near April 09 when my next child is due but now is as good a time as any. It's going to be tough but in the long run it will be worth it - I truly believe this.
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November 6, 2007
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Hey man, good discussion here. I am also guilty of spending way too much time flirting with my MacBook, working on everything I have to do and it is not an easy task achieving a measure of balance between getting the work done and building on my relationship with my wife. Now that we also have a little boy to think about this is just going to become a little more challenging.
Generally speaking, I am a big believer in putting family and even friends first and somehow getting all that work done in a way that doesn’t detract from that valuable time. It is very much a work in progress.
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November 6, 2007
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Hey man, good discussion here. I am also guilty of spending way too much time flirting with my MacBook, working on everything I have to do and it is not an easy task achieving a measure of balance between getting the work done and building on my relationship with my wife. Now that we also have a little boy to think about this is just going to become a little more challenging.
Generally speaking, I am a big believer in putting family and even friends first and somehow getting all that work done in a way that doesn't detract from that valuable time. It is very much a work in progress.
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November 6, 2007
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Well, Justin. What can I say - its all been said here already. Thursday’s chat will be good with this in mind. Looking forward to seeing you again! There’s a time to trust that all things work out for the greater good, but that also involves us doing some work inside ourselves too inbetween all that going on. Looks like you’ve been doing your homework, sir. Perhaps I can share one small thing I’ve learned while trying to do my homework - as productive as a person is when they’re putting their ‘all’ into projects and work, its amazing how you can be more effective in those things [even putting in less time and effort] when the things that really matter in life are cast in stone in your heart. Stay strong!
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November 6, 2007
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Well, Justin. What can I say - its all been said here already. Thursday's chat will be good with this in mind. Looking forward to seeing you again! There's a time to trust that all things work out for the greater good, but that also involves us doing some work inside ourselves too inbetween all that going on. Looks like you've been doing your homework, sir. Perhaps I can share one small thing I've learned while trying to do my homework - as productive as a person is when they're putting their 'all' into projects and work, its amazing how you can be more effective in those things [even putting in less time and effort] when the things that really matter in life are cast in stone in your heart. Stay strong!
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November 6, 2007
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Sounds like you need a big hug, so here is one: *HUG*
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November 6, 2007
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Sounds like you need a big hug, so here is one: *HUG*
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November 9, 2007
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Hi Justin
Thank you for your honest and very special post. Dave and I go through the same thing - finding time between plane trips, and late night presentation preparations, late night courses, frantically reading and preparing for early morning teaching slots. What has worked for us is to make sure that we MAKE time for one another. It is conscious but done with great heart from both sides and it seems to be working. And making time doesn’t even need to be a weekend away. It can be half an hour of genuine presence with someone you love. People complain about not having enough time with the person they love - seldom because of the amount of time but because of the quality of that time. We have a saying called Shifty Eyes and that’s our code when either of us is geting so busy that we are losing the idea of the other one being present. It works for us. Maybe it could also work for you. Take care, Elaine
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November 9, 2007
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Hi Justin
Thank you for your honest and very special post. Dave and I go through the same thing - finding time between plane trips, and late night presentation preparations, late night courses, frantically reading and preparing for early morning teaching slots. What has worked for us is to make sure that we MAKE time for one another. It is conscious but done with great heart from both sides and it seems to be working. And making time doesn't even need to be a weekend away. It can be half an hour of genuine presence with someone you love. People complain about not having enough time with the person they love - seldom because of the amount of time but because of the quality of that time. We have a saying called Shifty Eyes and that's our code when either of us is geting so busy that we are losing the idea of the other one being present. It works for us. Maybe it could also work for you. Take care, Elaine