Posts Tagged ‘Humour’

Posted on June 20, 2008 - by Justin Hartman

Which direction do you stir?

Hey, it looks like you're new here to my blog! You may want to consider subscribing to my RSS feed and you'll automatically get notified when I post a new blog entry. If web feeds aren't your thing then why not join my email list by clicking here. Thanks for stopping by.

Brace yourself for one of the most random blog posts you’ll ever read from me!

I drink a fair amount of coffee each day and I always stir my coffee in a clockwise motion while making it. This got me thinking about whether or not stirring coffee in a clockwise motion is the norm for right-handed people.

It has been bugging me for about three days now so today I asked Gregor, Ian and Robin which direction they stir their coffee. The results were interesting.

Gregor is the only left-hander in our team and he stirs his coffee in a clockwise motion while Ian is right-handed and stirs counter clockwise. Like Ian, Robin is also right-handed and stirs counter clockwise.

This bugged me even more because as a right-hander myself I felt that I was now abnormal stirring my coffee clockwise. Did this mean that left-handers naturally stir clockwise while right-handers stir counter clockwise? I had to investigate further.

Within half an hour the four of us made some phone calls, posted to twitter and did a spot poll with anyone we could find in the office. All in all we ended up with a total of 35 people who responded to the question:- Which way do you stir your tea/coffee?

Of our 35 unsuspecting lab rats we had a total of 3 left-handers and 32 right-handers and you can see the results of each group below.

As you can see from the totals graph it is clear that stirring your coffee in a clockwise motion is the preferred and most natural way for most people.

I started this escapade to get a conclusive answer but now I have to admit I’m no clearer than I was before the experiment. Whether you’re left or right handed it seems that results will vary greatly and an individual’s stirring habits are simply down to personal preference.

Posted on February 14, 2008 - by Justin Hartman

MacBook Air Parody

This post is going to take up one minute from your life and hopefully it’s not a wasted minute. If you haven’t seen the MacBook Air advert yet then have a look at the video below.

And here’s my advert of the week…

Posted on January 29, 2008 - by Justin Hartman

The Avusa Killer Bees

Unless you work at The Times, or more specifically smoke with me outdoors at our offices, you won’t know that lately we’ve been pestered by some very aggressive bees.

Now if you speak to Vincent he’ll tell you I attract bees (which is true) but this has gotten out of hand and I decided to take some action. Here is a copy of the letter I faxed to our office manager, Bongi, this afternoon.

FROM THE DESK OF JUSTIN HARTMAN

January 28, 2008
Bongisiwe Khumalo
Office Administrator
The Times
4 Biermann Avenue
Rosebank, Johannesburg
South Africa, 2196
Right Fax: 011 *** ****

Dear Recipient,

I am writing to you as a concerned employee of Avusa. I am not sure if you are aware but we have a very serious African Bee issue (not B.E.E.) in the smoking court outside the offices of The Times.

Due to the apparent lack of cleaning at said smoking court each and every smoker is now at grave risk of being stung by these killer African Bees. These deadly pests are drinking left over coffee in the dustbin and as a result are intoxicated with caffeine and sugar making them more aggressive and prone to attack.

These African Bees are a serious issue specifically because they:

1. Tend to swarm more frequently.
2. Have greater defensiveness when in a resting swarm.
3. Guard their hive aggressively, with a larger alarm zone around the hive.
4. Have a higher proportion of “guard” bees within the hive.
5. Deploy in greater numbers for defense and pursues perceived threats over much longer distances from the hive.

Research has shown that African Bees closely resemble domestic bees in appearance, and the principal constituents of their venoms are identical. However, it has been shown that the African Bee venom has slightly more phos-pholipase A2 (the principal allergenic component of bee venom).

It is also shown that African Bees contain approximately 15 percent less venom per bee, and the toxicity of their venom in mice is virtually identical to that of domestic bee venom. In other studies it showed that domestic bees deliver the entire contents of their venom sacs within 2 minutes. These results suggest that the sting of an individual African Bee has a lower potential for toxicity than that of domestic bees, and the risk from African Bees is their tendency to sting in large numbers during colony defense.

There is complete immunologic cross reactivity between the venoms of African and domestic bees, indicating that patients allergic to domestic bee stings will have allergic reactions to African Bee stings. It is possible that mild allergic reactions to a single sting can become much more serious when a large number of stings are sustained.

I trust that you can see just how serious this Bee issue is and I look forward to receiving feedback and solutions from your department.

Sincerely yours,
Justin Hartman

I’m still not sure why I haven’t had an official response yet?

Posted on January 7, 2008 - by Justin Hartman

The South African Insult

The following picture was taken on Christmas Day on a street corner in Yeoville which is only about 1km away from where I live. You can’t really see the message on the street pole (larger image here) but I can tell you that it says “NO DUMPING”.

What is it about the people of this country that encourages such an insult? Do we not care enough about our beautiful land or is this just limited to impoverished areas? I’m not sure I have the answer to any of this but I found it humourous and poetic at the same time.

Posted on December 20, 2007 - by Justin Hartman

Mac vs PC - the final debate

Don’t say I never support Windows.

Posted on November 8, 2007 - by Justin Hartman

Government takeover at Johncom - it’s begun

Take only minutes ago in The Times offices I found conclusive evidence that the rumored Government takeover of Johncom Avusa has already begun…

Posted on October 19, 2007 - by Justin Hartman

God save the Queen

ha ha ha ha!!!!

Posted on September 27, 2007 - by Justin Hartman

Discipline at The Times… my bad

I’ve been reprimanded by my superior, Colin Daniels. This email just arrived moments ago.

From: Colin Daniels
Subject: Pull your socks up
Date: 27 September 2007 10:26:35 AM
To: Justin Hartman

JJ,

I’ve had reports from an anonymous source in the newsroom who is concerned about your work output.

Apparently this is all you’ve done so far this morning:

9:25: got into office
9:26: touched Gregor’s leg
9:35: got coffee
9:36: gone smoking
10:00: on phone with Colin
10:08: got coffee, forced Gregor to go with
10:09: had another smoke
10:11: watched Vincent on Sky news
10:20: surfed www.powergenitalia.com
10:21: made Gregor translate some german porn email
10:21: phone plummer…

Now obviously this is NOT what you are employed to do. I would appreciate a bit more respect and really don’t want to have to lodge a formal complaint with HR!

I am always available to discuss this issue further if you feel that it is undue condemnation.
–
Kind Regards,

Colin Daniels

Digital Business Development Manager
Johncom, South Africa

Posted on September 20, 2007 - by Justin Hartman

Career Opportunity, London SW6

• Could you manage a football team with only a measly £500m budget?
• Have you got the stamina to sign cheques morning, noon and night for any player you want?
• Can you sulk in a sickening manner whenever referees don’t award you five penalties every game?
• Are you capable of spouting utter nonsense at press meetings?
• Can you say ‘Yes sir, of course sir!’ whenever your boss makes a suggestion, however unhelpful?

Yes?

Then come to Stamford Bridge!

Chelsea - A Proud History of Buying Silver Since 2005